She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
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He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
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When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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