Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
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my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
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i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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