trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
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He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
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I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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