i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
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I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
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I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize