im six kinds of drunk right now
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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