all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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