I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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