you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
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i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
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my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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