You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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