Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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