If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
They have beer where we have blood.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize