i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
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Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
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Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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