How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
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The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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