the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
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Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
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Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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