My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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