She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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