My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize