Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
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You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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