Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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