He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
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There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
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Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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