she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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