Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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