remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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