Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
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I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
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Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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