i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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