Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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