Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
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currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
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I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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