dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
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i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
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It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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