We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
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Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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