I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I forget how to act sober
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize