He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
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are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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