So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize