Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
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Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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