Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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