And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
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who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
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Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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