is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
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Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
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So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize