I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
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That reminds me...we need to get swords
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
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I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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