you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize