just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize