I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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