i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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