so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I want to make a zoo with you.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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