dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize