How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
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Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize