The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
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