i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize