i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize