I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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