life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize