It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
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the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
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I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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